mistakes couples make

Tips for Happy Marriage : Avoid these 6 mistakes

I am married 12 years and have made all 6 mistakes in my marriage life and I hate to admit it… but it’s not something you want to live your whole life with.

Watch the video and check whether you are making these mistakes or not in your marriage life.

Each mistake builds on the other and if not rectified can lead to serious marriage issues.

The # 1 reason for divorce is one of these mistakes, hit reply and tell me which one do you think is responsible for a separation.

Share these tips for happy marriage with your married friends to bring more love, peace and happiness in their lives : )

 – Murtaza

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FULL VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

Tips for Happy Marriage: Avoid these 6 mistakes

We get a lot of questions from couples, where they are struggling with their relationships and one spouse is not able to understand the other spouse. So what we thought is I'm gonna do a special video on marriage.

And what I’m going to do is covers 6 mistakes that couples make in their marriage that is costing them love peace and happiness. Aviod these mistakes and this becomes your tips for happy marriage

So why are the 6 mistakes important?

Because it’s very easy to forget, very easy to kind of sink in your life, become automatic; And I want you to be present of the 6 mistakes and hopefully this will help you get back the passion, the energy, the intimacy back in your life.

So let's start.

  1. Mistake #1: Expecting Your Spouse Should Understand You. 

    So what couples do is they don't want to share or communicate openly. You might want your husband to understand or you might expect your husband to understand that he might get certain things, he might understand your mood or what you are wanting or you might want your wife to understand what is it that you want. Certain times couple think that it’s so many years, it’s been like 10 - 15 - 20 years, my wife or husband should by now understand; What I want or What is my liking or what is my disliking or in the house how do I like things?That's a mistake that couples are making.

    What we say is just go ahead and share on a daily basis in each area of your life. It could be food, it could be clothes, it could be the way you live in the house, the way you put things, the way you expect each other to do things for each. Set the norms, lay out the rules and just share whenever you want something from your spouse. Rather than just expecting that he or she should understand. Mistake #1, very easy to ignore, very easy to get sucked into it, and because of this mistake number 1 a lot of other mistakes start popping up.

  2. Mistake #2: Making Your Spouse Like You! 

    Mistake number 2 is making your spouse like you, 'not like you'; but the same way that you are. I want my spouse to walk, talk, behave like me. I want all the skills that I have, the intelligence I have, the way I live life, the way I talk to people, the way I handle the kids, the way I handle everything else, my spouse should be like me. Common if your spouse is like you, you would be bored to death.You should thank god that your spouse is not like you because there is this contrast, there is this adventure and there is this energy where both of you bring on the table new things, new skills, new perspectives and both of you are different individuals and often I see, either the wife trying to make the husband like her or the husband trying to make the wife like him. So, please do not get into this mistake. Celebrate your individuality and the uniqueness that both of you bring on the table; And I understand there are conflicts.

    When your spouse is not able to be like you or your expectation is not met, then there are conflicts. But that's Ok! Don't get into ‘you are wrong and I’m right’. They’re different human beings. Your spouse is not like you and do not make your spouse like you, the same way like you.

  3. Mistake #3: The Silent Treatment! 

    Once the conflict starts, couples often revert to The Silent Treatment. Nobody talks to nobody, Right! You’re just talking in expressions or noises or sounds or banging of the door or banging of some other thing like the food or something. That’s horrible! That’s miserable. That kills both of you, the husband and the spouse. 

    So, If you are someone who is making this mistake, either the husband, you’re giving the silent treatment your wife or the wife giving the silent treatment to your husband, I promise you nothing will improve. This is just some strategy that has been passed on from years that if nothing is working, give the silent treatment to your spouse. So, please make sure that you're not doing this mistake.

  4. Mistake #4: Loss of Intimacy in Your Relationship. 

    Because you start doing the silent treatment and you don't accept each other's individuality and there is conflict and there is fight. What happens? 

    It immediately hits your intimacy. No intimacy in your relationships, and some couples don't even care. It’s like been weeks, it's been months and maybe more than a year you’ve not been Intimate. Now that is a complete No-No. I mean why would you get married if you don't want intimacy in your life. And because of the other mistakes you don't want your intimacy to be hit. So, when you are in the bedroom get rid off of all the silent treatments or all the expectations or all the past. It is important psychologically, emotionally, physically that couples have their intimate moments. 

    So, that's another mistake which is mistake number four that you don't get intimate. Every other issues are put into intimacy and then it just keeps more and more gap between both of you.

  5. Mistake #5: You Make Your Ego More Important than the Love for Your Spouse! 

    Your spouse says something, you’re hurt, you are upset and then you do the silent treatment and then the intimacy gets hampered, and then expectation that your spouse will say sorry and you say why should I go and  I am right and he or she was wrong and it's not my mistake and why do I always have to go and say sorry or bend over or are be proactive? My answer to the question is, why not? I mean c'mon he or she is your intimate partner, right. 

    There is no ego, there is nothing hidden between both of you. Why get ego?And the foundation of a marriage is love. Now, when you get ego and give more importance to ego then love, that's a huge mistake. So, no matter what, even if you have to be wrong, even if you have to make your spouse right and even if that means that it's hurting your ego, just let it go. Love is more important than ego. Just let that ego be down.

    And specially with relationships, there are three relationships which I always say your ego should not come in between.

    The first one is with your parents, the second one is with your spouse, and the third is with your children.

    I mean they are your blood, right, they are your life. No I Ego with your spouse, That’s mistake number five.

  6. Mistake #6: Parenting Conflicts. 

    And the last mistake is because of the first 5 mistakes, if you have children there is parenting conflicts. So, as as long as you don't have kids life is completely different, right, and the moment your first child comes the relationship between couples really change. So, you have to make sure that, that is not making you in conflict with your spouse. There is your child and then there is your spouse. You don't want to mix both of them. 

    For example, your husband is talking to your child and the mother is not in sync. Why did you say this? No-No this is not right, this is not wrong, I don't want to give permission and the father goes ahead and gives permission or the mother is speaking to the child and the father thinks that this is not right and there's a conflict. that by itself self can kill marriages. Just the conflict between raising children, parenting is a huge, huge put down for couples. So, make sure you're not making this last mistake.So, again; The first mistake is expecting your spouse should understand; The second is Making Your Spouse Like You, you don’t want to do that, your spouse is different individual; The Silent treatment, make sure that is out of your marriage, No Intimacy, meaning go ahead, cover up if you have to; Make Your Marriage Based on Love and Not Ego, kill ego and go ahead and enjoy your marriage; And the last one is make sure that No Parenting Conflict impacts your marriage.

I hope this helps you in your relationship

Thank You.

About The Author

Murtaza Badri

Murtaza Badri
Speaker, Trainer & Life Coach
Founder, CMD Badri’s life Transformation Academy Pvt.Ltd

A peak performance strategist, relationship expert and a Life Transformational speaker, Murtaza has impacted well over twenty five thousand lives from different backgrounds, age groups, cultures around the world.

He delivers fresh and transformational content in his “Alive & Fearless” programs via the power of Internet, Seminar’s, Coaching programs & Mastermind groups.

He aims to empower people to go beyond what they think they can do, to what they are actually capable of doing, TODAY!

Member of Experts Industry Association, USA.
Murtaza is a M.Sc. in Psychology from Madras University, India. He is a certified Fire Walk Instructorfrom (FIRE) Fire Institute of Research and Education, USA, and a certified Facilitator and Trainer from Carlton Advance Management Institute, USA. He is also a certified NLP Practitioner,Timeline Therapy practitioner and a Hypnosis Therapy Practitioner from ANLP, UK.

His mission is to support individuals find a purpose in life and align their actions to becoming the highest possible being that he/she would love to become.

He believes that every person has the power to be, have & do whatever his/her heart desires. The only gap is a lack of imagination and a belief that he cannot.